Think of the last time you apologized to your partner, a friend or a colleague, did they believe you? Did you really mean what you said? What was their reaction? Did your non-verbals match your words?
For the sake of simplicity, let’s assume you said, “I am so sorry!” These are four easy, short words, which when coupled with a congruent tone and non-verbals would make for an honest and effective apology. This could involve meaningful eye contact, perhaps an inflection on ‘so’ and maintaining your focus on the person in front of you. If, on the other hand, you rolled your eyes, sighed and shrugged your shoulders as you uttered the same four words, would the person believe you? Would the apology have the same sincere effect? Absolutely not!
Although the same words were used, the result was completely the opposite.
Albert Mehrabian, a pioneer researcher of body language in the 1950’s, found that the total impact of a message is about 7 percent verbal (words only), 38 percent vocal (including tone of voice and inflection) and 55 percent nonverbal.
Like any other species, humans are still dominated by biological rules that control our actions, reactions, body language, and gestures. It is fascinating to bear in mind that we are rarely aware that our posture, movements and gestures can tell one story while our choice of words may be telling another.
With so many of our meetings, interviews, calls being done virtually, it is imperative to revisit this model and apply it accordingly. Here are six practical tips:
- Look into the camera: just like when you are meeting in person, maintain focus and eye contact to show interest, confidence and trustworthiness.
- Articulate your words and speak with a congruent inflection.
- Remember that you are being watched; you might be in the comfort of your home office, kitchen, bedroom but remember that on the other end, they might be seeing you on a large conference screen. Be mindful of your posture.
- Put away and silence any device that can distract you, such as your mobile phone.
- Be aware of your facial expressions; meetings may sometimes run over their scheduled time but keep an engaged neutral expression and make sure you are not frowning.
- Avoid excessive hand gestures which can be distracting when you are sitting close to the camera.
So the next time you have a job interview, a client proposal or you want to convince your partner that you were right, make sure your words, tone and non-verbals are aligned. This will convey your message clearly, consistently and with conviction. Good Luck!